Sunday, 26 December 2021

Ho, ho, ho

I got to the end of Christmas Eve, but no, why would I want to go home and start the holiday if I could offer to go back to work and sort out the late driver's vans before the weekend collection risked taking all the keys away. Exhausted is one word, and none of its synonyms seem to quite capture the need to sit down and not get up again for quite some time. So, having drunk quite a bit of Bailey's and watched everything from Die Hard to Muppet Christmas Carol I feel utterly unprepared to reflect on the passing year. 'I am past caring' seems to be the expression that has passed my lips most often in recent months, and yet I still found myself searching boxes of unprepared mail for people's Christmas cards and tracking down missing packages. We had a small win when a house full of young men denied all knowledge of a mis-delivered package and Jason had to threaten them with the police, suddenly they managed to find it. But Covid has gone round the office again in the last fortnight so mostly I have spent several weeks just apologising to people that their mail has not arrived. 

Books this year (will have to list them first then debate the favourites):

Books that I borrowed and returned to the library: Crossroads by Jonathan Franzen (didn't like any of the people enough to pay the fine I would have gotten to keep and finish it) and The Absolute Book by Elizabeth Knox (very much not in the mood for fantasy, if that is what this was). 
38 books is a step up on last year, and lots of translated fiction and poetry this year. For the second time, I give the fiction winner's title to Anthony Doerr, closely followed by Ocean Vuong, but the best book of the year must be The Book of Delights by Ross Gay, that I loved every page of and which gave me a very necessary lift and renewed positive outlook. Am thinking maybe some reading challenges might push me to read more next year. Or maybe I just need to disable facebook.

Stay safe. Be kind. Read more.

Wednesday, 8 December 2021

Three postmen chatting on Palatine Road

Prefer to stay in?
Yes, why not.
Other people can go out in the rain.
It's their job after all.
In fact, why leave the house at all.
We will call and collect
that crap that you bought
but now want to return.
Like magic we will just absorb the extra load
and whistle cheerfully
as we come down the path
(not forgetting to close the garden gate).
And if the service begins to slide
through the sheer exhaustion
of the workforce
it's ok
you can come in 
and accuse us of not working hard enough
and I will politely say
Yes, of course you can speak to a manager
and then you can tell her
how you saw
three postman chatting on Palatine Road,
which is just not good enough.

Friday, 3 December 2021

Some other things

I went to a Literature Festival poetry event, mainly to hear Andrew McMillan, but came away with a copy of 'A Blood Condition' by Kayo Chingonyi. It was interesting that the ones he read were mostly 'set' in the UK, when in fact the collection reflected much more on his Zambian roots. Many are very brief, like memories encapsulated. I like this one, the word ginnel is very northern:



Ginnel

1.
an interstice
a quarter tone
last known
whereabouts
of missing persons
the world over
2.
From the Old English:
the coast's open maw
pointing the way
to the whale road
3.
gap in the teeth
of a terraced street

Currently enjoying 'The Souvenir Museum' by Elizabeth McCracken, short stories to read in between other longer things.
I ordered 'The Small Backs of Children' by Lidia Yuknavitch and was very disturbed by it. It is an interesting technique where a writer does not give characters names, but identifies them by other means, in this book they are called 'the writer' 'the photographer' 'the artist' and so on. It allows you to stay a step back from their experiences. There were a lot of fucked up people in this story. I did not like it and wished I had not read it, to the extent that I was not going to mention it at all, but decided that the blog is supposed to record all my reading. I don't think I am in a place right now to cope with the darkest side of humanity in my reading. Having said that she is obviously a very well respected writer with interesting things to say.


I found 'Natural Novel' by Georgi Gospodinov in the Oxfam bookshop, where all the best European literature can be found. And who doesn't like a nice self referential storyline, where the writer himself is the main character, and he observes through the novel his own disintegration. Or something like that, I'm not sure to be honest. But a bit of experimental writing never hurt anyone. This is a quote pulled at random:

"My father's ashtray is Finnish, with a lid. It looks a bit like a cask with a single-cigarette indentation. I always liked the idea of a personal ashtray, as personal as only a toothbrush or razor can be. Some completely unfamiliar letters are engraved on the side of the ashtray (my father didn't know what they meant either). Much later, when somebody translated them for me, I was struck by their bluntness: 'Everything is ashes.'
When I smoke, I unconsciously copy my father's gestures. The energetic tapping of the index finger on the cigarette, the knit brow as you suck on it, all the concentration and importance of the gestures. The hardest thing to learn was the natural slight bending of the index and middle fingers. Mine were always artificially straight." (p.75)

Stay safe. Be kind. Read weird stuff (occasionally).

Good news and sad news

Our family descended on south London last week to celebrate the wedding of my nephew Matthew to Harshi. She is a Hindu and as such the ceremony is unlike anything I have ever attended; it lasted about three hours and entailed quite a lot of participation by all the attendees (I missed the beginning so didn't get to walk him in with all the other women family members). Much throwing of flower petals and rice and so on was followed with much eating and my dad coaxing several young women to join the dancing. It was a beautiful and joyful celebration. Wishing them much love and happiness together.

The week ended with the sad news of the death of my children's paternal grandmother Mary. It was not unexpected but her decline had been very rapid. I hope that the presence of Ady in her life gave her joy in her final months. She was a lovely woman, a kind and caring grandmother, and a good friend to me during my marriage. A sad loss for the family, we will all miss her.
Stay safe. Be kind. 

Threads of Ruin

I (very) briefly mentioned Anthony Doerr back in 2019 when I finally got around to reading 'All The Light We Cannot See' and I have been promising myself for several days that I would try and do justice to 'Cloud Cuckoo Land'. I will fail to. I keep trying, and reading, and planning to sit and reflect, but then remind myself that I am not supposed to beat myself up about it. I want writers out there to know that their efforts are appreciated. That their stories are making life better. 

In many ways Cloud Cuckoo Land is similar in structure to All The Light, although it revolves around a story written by  Antonius Diogenes and the impact that it has over the centuries. The two young people in this story drift inexorably towards each other during the downfall of Constantinople in 1453; Omeir having been forced to join the invading Ottoman army and Anna inside the city, working as a bad embroiderer and trying to learn Greek. In other parts of the story Zeno is a soldier in the Korean war and then an old man, also learning Greek and sharing his love of Diogenes' story with some local schoolchildren. Konstance (I just realised, appropriately named) lives in the future, on a centuries long space journey to a new world, who's connection to the story saves her life. Again what I loved most about the book was the characters and how I became involved in their various fates. It is essentially what I want from my reading, to care about the people and their story, to feel invested in what becomes of them, to feel their joys and share their sorrow. 

Soldiers arrive at Omeir's home, and take his oxen, and himself as their teamster:
"Little whorls of sawdust rise through the lamplight and melt back into the shadows. 'When they saw your oxen,' he says, 'their heads nearly fell off their necks,' but he does not laugh and does not look up from his work.
Omeir sits against the wall. A particular combination of dung and smoke and straw and wood shavings make a familiar warm tang in the back of his throat and he bites back tears. Each morning comes along and you assume it will be similar enough to the previous one - that you will be safe, that your family will be alive, that you will be together, that life will remain mostly as it was. Then a moment arrives and everything changes." (p.64)

Zeno, after he returns from a year as a prisoner of war:
"In the dresser drawer the Plywood Plastic soldiers slumber in their tin box. Soldier 401 marches uphill with his rifle. Soldier 410 kneels behind his anti-tank gun. He gets into the same brass bed he slept in as a boy but the mattress is too soft and the day keeps getting brighter. Eventually he hears Mrs Boydstun go out and he creeps down the stairs and unlatches every door in the house. He needs them unlocked at the least, open at best. Then he tiptoes into the kitchen, finds a loaf of bread, tears it in half, puts one half beneath his pillow and divides the other between his pockets. Just in case.
He sleeps on the floor beside his bed. He is not quite twenty years old." (p.340)

In the prisoner of war camp Zeno meets and falls in love with Rex. After years of yearning and searching he finds him again, but when he travels to London to visit he is unable to tell him, and leaves without speaking of it:
"Horns honk and Rex glances behind them. 'Don't be so quick to dismiss yourself,' he says. 'Sometimes the things we think are lost are only hidden, waiting to to rediscovered.'
Zeno gets out of the car, suitcase in his right hand, books under his left arm, something inside him (regret) thrusting to and fro like a spearman, pulverizing bone, destroying vital tissue. Rex leans over and puts out his right hand and Zeno squeezes it with his left, as awkward a handshake as there's ever been. Then the little car is swallowed by the traffic." (p.408)

Stay safe. Be kind. Read this book.

Tuesday, 30 November 2021

Winter is coming

Winter is coming, or more precisely Christmas! It's that time of year again, when I complain at the British public for not knowing how to use the postal system. Over the years I have given much advice; the original post here, the update here, and Christmas posting in the time of coronavirus here.
We currently have 4 boxes of surcharges waiting to be paid and collected. It's not hard. If your letter looks like this, more than a few mm thick, it needs a large letter stamp:
Do not think that you will get away with this, when you buy your online postage:
Your item will get one of these:
and your friend will get one of these:
They will ignore it, and then the item will get sent off to the returned parcels office in Belfast and never be seen again, because if you are not competent enough to put the right postage on the chances are that you didn't bother with a return address either.
Post extra early this year. The pandemic is still ongoing. We had a mini outbreak in the office in the last few weeks (one colleague remains in hospital as far as I know). Add in the shambolic revision and you begin to get a picture of the chaos ahead. As I said to a disgruntled customer recently, everyone in the office is working as hard as they can, but there is more stuff coming in than we have human being to deliver. New staff have arrived, but people are moving on almost as fast. Show your postie some love; I don't necessarily mean a Christmas tip (though a lovely lady came in on Friday with a tub of choccies), I mean just thank them for doing a great job. It is surprising how much a kind word of appreciation lifts you.
Stay safe. Be kind. Appreciate your postman.

Wednesday, 27 October 2021

Hummingbird

We had our smart meters fitted yesterday morning. Strangely I failed to anticipate the need to turn off the electricity, and since Monkey is doing lectures on Japan time I asked the man when he arrived if he could do the gas one first and that she would be finished at 9.30. He said he could go off to another appointment and he came back an hour later, by which time she was already having her post-lecture nap. So I ended up having a couple of hours in which to just sit on the sofa and read. I haven't read for such a long session for ages, because I then proceeded to spend the afternoon reading too, though partly because the book is on a reserve list and the library wants it back tomorrow.

'The Hummingbird' by Sandro Veronesi read much better in a long stretch; it confused me when I was reading it in fits and starts. It jumps around in time, telling the story of Marco Carrera in a mixed up order, hopping from childhood to middle age and back again. It is interspersed with letters between himself and Luisa, the love of his life, a relationship that is crushed at its start by the suicide of his sister. It is the life of a flawed human being, who knows this about himself. His world crashes down several times but life just goes on, as it does, and he copes even though he convinces himself he is responsible for the crashes. He turns to people and asks for help but also has unexpected reserves of strength. He devotes his life to his daughter, his parents, his granddaughter. By the end of the book I was hugely fond of this man. 
Here he is fifteen, and saves his sister from what he believes is a suicide attempt:
"They got to the beach. Irene stopped lashing the air with the rope and stood next to the boat - which was indeed dangerously close to the shore and at the mercy of the rising tide that could easily carry it away. The whirlpools that gave the beach its name were out there, foaming in the dark sea that kept swelling and swelling, stoked by the wind. Irene stopped to look at them, strained like a pointer dog. Marco stood there catching his breath, ready to pounce on her and anchor her to this world. But Irene stepped aside and hugged - literally - the prow, gently stroking the sea-worn plywood like she would stroke a horse. Marco - his muscles still poised, ready to spring - kept looking at her from behind as she secured the rope to the prow with a bowline knot and then tied the other end around her hips. He let her hoist the boat up to the shed, walking backwards, without rubber rollers, without a trailer, in spurts, by brute force: he didn't step in, didn't help her. Once the dinghy was safe, Irene unhooked the rope from around her hips and tied it to the shed with another bowline knot, then turned towards Marco: this time, as the darkness set in, he looked her in the eye - looked closely - and the devilish grin was gone.
They walked back home together, trying to sync their step so they could hug - a rather unusual hug, Marco clinging to her waist and irene with an arm wrapped around his shoulders. Every now and again she's scratch between the two nerves down the back of his neck with her thumb - ever so gently, light as a feather." (p.142-3)

I also read and had to quickly return 'The Midnight Library' by Matt Haig, which was actually a bit like a story version of 'Reasons to Stay Alive', in which a young woman find her life meaningless and empty and decides to end it. She finds herself in an 'in-between' place where she can choose to enter other 'lives' that she might have had if she had made different choices. In each of these lives she finds that although she thought they might be better outcomes each has their own problems. I found it a bit annoying because in all the other lives she was so much more 'successful' and adventurous. It frustrates me because it is part of what social media does to people, it presents them with exciting other lives that they could be having if only they had made better choices and just makes them feel bad about ordinary lives, when in reality only a tiny number of people end up being music icons or being an olympic swimmer and most of us do ordinary jobs and there are not alternate universes where we are more talented. I realise that was not his aim but it had the opposite effect on me. 

Stay safe. Be kind. Get your books back to the library on time.